Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
