Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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