New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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