she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
