They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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