You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
