I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
