dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drake has all the answers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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