Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
