yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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