If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
