Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
