I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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