i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
