So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
