Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
