i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
