Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
