Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
