last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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