and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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