I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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