just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
