I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
