Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
