Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's the barista slut.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
