paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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