absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize