Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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