woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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