i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
