I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
