sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
