maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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