is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize