I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
50% drunk capacity currently
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
