You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
