You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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