Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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