I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
