i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
