ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
