I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
