I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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