Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
