i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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