My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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