This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
