thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
