My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
