Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
