when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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