dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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