If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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