I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
