I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
