found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
