she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This baby is an asshole
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
