stop calling my apartment porn island.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're like the curious george of whores
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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