I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
