my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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