Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
