Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
