We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
