My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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