at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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