Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
