My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize