her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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