How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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