Jerry, you need to find god
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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