I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
