using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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