My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
