in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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