Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
