if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
