She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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