You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
