Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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