I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
