She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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