I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
