Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
