dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
