His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
