just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
