And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
