btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
