if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
