Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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