I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
