I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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