Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
50% drunk capacity currently
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
