Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
