she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
