Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
