She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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