$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He has the fingertips of a God
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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