yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
