i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
