do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
time to smoke my breakfast
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
