Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize